What to do now?

Hey ladies I've been gone for many months trying to find my own mothering style and focusing on my kids but am at a standstill of sorts. My son will be a year on the 30th of this month, and my daughter is turning 4 March 1st. Now my daughter wasn't birthed by me, however she lives with me and my hunny and I don't agree with the whole "stepsister /stepbrother" thing because I am raising my two rug rats in the same home. So my daughter going from only child to big sister was a challenge in itself, she was used to everything being handed to her on a whim, the opposite of how I parent, and had trouble adjusting to having a baby around. This I knew was something I would have to deal with I'm just at my wits end. It seems like the more time goes on the more my daughter acts out. I'm talking fish out of water tantrums, hands on the hips, eye rolling, putting her fingers in her ears, yelling, luring the baby into corners then hitting pushing or throwing things at him. I feel like I've tried so much and nothing changes. My husband says it's a phase and I have trouble agreeing with that because I am the oldest of 8 kids and from what I've seen who you are when you are little continues onto adulthood. How did you other mommies deal with your little humans when it was more than just one?

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    01/27/15
    I'm not going to lie I would overreact the first two months then I had to take a step back. I let her help with bath time and feeding and even now I have them both on my hip doing tea parties and playing house and such. I've done the timeout for 3 minutes since she is three then would go into her room and talk to her. Tried taking away a toy and putting it in the closet for her to earn back when she is a good girl, those toys are still in my closet. It's when I am doing dishes or cooking dinner or laundry. She knows it's wrong but waits till I'm semi-occupied. I don't yell and scream at her I am stern and the rules are set and haven't changed since the baby was 2 months old. Thank you for the advice Elena, maybe I just need more patience
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      01/27/15
      They love to push boundaries. Sometimes it takes a long time to change the behavior but as long as you stay consistent, like it sounds like you are, then she will get the hang of it eventually. Also make sure that her behavior does not take your attention away from what you are doing. They catch on quick and if she knows that she ca take your attention away from what you are doing and put it on her, even if it's not good attention, she will keep doing it.
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        01/27/15
        Thank you Amy I noticed that in the beginning I would catch something from the corner of my eye and stop and deal with it. Now I just have on my mommy eyes behind my head finish what I'm doing then I'll address the issue. Both her and my son are wanting my attention constantly, which is understandable since I stay home and dad leaves before they wake up and comes home just in time to tuck her in. I've had to adjust to handling two little humans wanting me every waking moment and still get things done around the house. They give off certain signals that let me know if I start to clean or cook or laundry that I know the baby isn't going to cry his poor brains out and my daughter won't be behind me helping me break what is left in the house that I haven't broken without any help so far. Being at home has helped me because I can see the changes in their behavior and the way they interact with eachother. Just been feeling like I can't catch a break, doing what I think is the right thing to do and having it get nowhere it seems.
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          01/29/15
          Melissa Middleton
          My step-daughter lives with us as well. She is used to being babied and having her way all the time and people finding her behavior humorous, when it isn't. We have rules, routine, and structure here. It sounds like you are doing the right thing by not budging when she is trying to make you. With Jaina, I am constantly reminding her who is boss, even though she does not like authority. I feel sometimes she battles just to battle. And she does the same thing, does something awful to get the attention on her, even when she gets plenty of attention.
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          01/29/15
          Yes Melissa that's exactly what I get too. I know it's tough on her as well, but that is not an excuse in my eyes to misbehave. She gets love attention affection involvement. My main thing is that she spends Friday night at her moms and comes home Saturday,every week. I was okay with her taking Saturday to "adjust" to being back home, now it's like the "adjustment" period doesn't end. She is more violent, moody, unruly than I've ever seen her to be and she's lived with us for a year and a half.
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          02/09/15
          Melissa Middleton
          Yep. Jaina does the same thing after she comes back from her mother's. Her mom lets her do whatever she pleases and here she has rules. She will also misbehave the day she goes to her mother's as well. I have sat and cried over her unruly behavior before because it has gotten that bad.
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          About Alissa
          Birth: December 05
          On Moms.com since: Mar 5, 2014
          I am a brand new mommy to a beautiful boy, also have a three year old step daughter who is equally beautiful. For now I'm a housewife, until my little man is a bit older. I'm super excited to connect with all these other mommies!