Help! I realized that I shouldn't have become a mom.
I feel so terrible saying this and hate myself for thinking it, but I sometimes feel like I can't do this anymore. I have a wonderful, beautiful, healthy, 9 month old boy who I should be so thankful for. I know I should be loving him every second. Usually I do! However he is a very aggressive baby with a super strong personality. . . just like his father. He laughs and smiles, but if he doesn't get what he wants or doesn't want to sleep, he will scream, wail, and cry for hours. i mean hours. ...like up to three hours straight.. we have ruled out any health issue or environmental issues. He has been like this since he was born. .. never liked to sleep. Every nap time is a disaster for me. He hates to be rocked and prefers to be left alone to sleep but if he doesn't want to sleep he will wail like someone is stabbing him for hours even though he is so tired that he can't keep his eyes open.
Here is where I have a problem. If this goes on all day, I reach the point that I can't fight with him anymore. I can't take the constant wailing, screaming, demands that are now 4 times a day now for up to 2 hours each. I have tried different schedules, all no cry methods and cio methods. Honestly, I feel like I am not emotionally able to do this. I want to leave both my husband and son so I never have to hear this again. So my days aren't hell. I have thrown things, broken things and have had breakdowns during his screaming spells. It's almost like his screaming unhinges all my reasoning and it becomes very hard to get back to reality. Weird part is that once it's quiet, I start to feel better. I have had to hire a babysitter so that I can put distance between my baby and myself. I have regularly seen a therapist. I have tried psychological medications. Nothing seems to help.
Worst part is that I Am his mother. I Should be able to take care of him! Plenty of mothers struggle through screaming babies. So why can't I be around him! I have now realized that I am an incompetent mother who is not emotionally stable enough to do this.
I know in reality, I love my baby more than anything, however unfortunately his screaming has made my reality nonexistent.
About diet, I almost forgot to mention this: I had a lot of problems with my oldest. Sometimes I felt just how you described. I cut red food dye (Red #40) out of his diet, and the difference was AMAZING! He became much calmer as soon as we cut that out!