Changes that happen after becoming a mom...

How to keep friendships, spouse and family relationships happy and healthy? Share your tips!

    My friends understood that my baby girl came first but I got to make new friends also who had kids her age. Me and my spouse had a rough time there for a few years. but we worked it out
      I haven't lost any friends...they understand I can't do certain activities as I used to...but I am fortunate that they arrange events so I can bring my daughter...
        Real friends understand that once you have a child things may change. I didn't have that problem because I don't claim many people as friends and the ones I do have were pregnant during my pregnancy or right after lol. We support each other through whatever. When I had my son not many things changed now that I think about it. I guess because I've always been a homebody and the activities I was doing I was still able to do with a baby.
          Ever Lopez
          there where friendship that just vanish either there kids where already older and now is was harder for me to hangout with me or some just wasn't worth keeping around me... my relationship with my spouse is a roller-coaster but I make sure we keep in track... family is very good because my siblings and I had our kids one behind another so I keep us doing the same things for our Lil ones... my best tip is just let things go as smooth as you can We already have alot to deal with our kids...
            it has become harder to maintain some of my friendships, especially since I moved out of the area from where they all live. I am normally shy in situations where I do not know many people and have had to force myself to breakout of my shell. My children and husband are my first priority and I have found that I gravitate now towards people that have a better understanding of this.
              Since many of my friends had kids years before me, I've understood that kids always come first. Now that I have one, it is harder for all us to get together and coordinate schedules. We don't see each other as often as we like, though we have an understanding about how our families come first and at the same time, know we are available if something happens and we need each other. I only have a few close friends so maybe that makes it easier. For me, friendship goes two ways - each person has to put forth the effort to keep it going. Each person needs to do their share to make plans! My other "friends" don't try to plan things with me anymore, so I've stopped trying to get together with them.

              My husband and I have struggled with trying to find time for each other. I go to bed about an hour after my daughter (I'm out of the house in the morning for work before my husband is even out of bed), so it's usually not an option for us to spend time in the evenings after she goes to sleep. He doesn't seem too interested in helping clean up the kitchen, play area, etc. at night so we can hang out.
                At first my friends were super excited and still hung out with me when I was pregnant with my first baby. I have a hard time making new "mom" friends because the kids are not the same age or if they are they have more than one child and the older kids are a little rougher. Most of the friends that I had now are married and have kids of their own so it's a little bit easier for them to understand and they get now why I couldn't do things with them while I was pregnant the first time. So now with this pregnancy my friends are about the same. My husband is more worried about me this pregnancy and he has showed me a lot more support and every once in a while we have our heated moments but we try to make one day a week dedicated to just us. Eventually every mom needs a break.
                  Lots of things changed when I started to have children. Yes, like most of you have said, my circle of friends has changed. Facebook is the only way I keep in contact with pre-baby friends, and even that is pretty limited. Most are still either single, at age 30, or they are in a committed relationship where neither wants a child, so they just don't understand what having kids is like. (Honestly they think having a dog or a cat is overwhelming. I hate to see what they think having a child is like if they ever had one).

                  I found friends with my hobbies, ie: knitting groups, church groups, and breastfeeding groups. Not all of our children are the same ages but the kids play nicely, for the most part, and I get a 'glorified' break. Meaning I'm still with my kids but I can relax knowing I can let other parents help keep an eye on my kids and to help keep them out of trouble while I have an 'adult' conversation ( topics that do not involve the kids, what they did or didn't do to each other, food, clothing, etc.)

                  My relationship with my family, parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc has changed as well. I have always been the organized and 'on-top-of-it' person. When I had Rebecca, my first child, they didn't understand why I suddenly couldn't drive from IA to MN for every family get together, planned anywhere from two days in advance to 6+ months in advance. My family actually did get mad at me when I said, "I just can't keep coming up for every little thing. Rebecca is a BABY and she doesn't understand why she is being restrained in her car seat literally all day. At home she can run and play all day long so travel like this is torture for her; and for us because we have to listen to her cry for most of the trip." My family still expected us to visit after Kaylin was born. Lets just say we are NEVER driving from NC to MN with children younger than 2 or 3 again. Most of the family has not seen my son Alexander and none of them will see baby #4, unless they decide to drive to NC to see us. In two months we will have 4 children ages 4 and younger. My family doesn't understand why my husband took a job in NC instead of in MN and they have actually fabricated lies and they believe these lies. Long story short, federal budget was not balanced, very few jobs were available, my husband got lucky to get one and we are now living in NC. We love it here and cannot imagine life anywhere else.

                  Through all of this I've learned to let go of people who cannot open their minds to new experiences. (ie: pre-baby friends who think a dog is like having a child; and family who don't support my husband and I living so far away.) I've had to let go of these people so I can be happy. I heard a rhyme years ago and it goes like this: 'I can only please one person per day and today is NOT your day.' I've learned to do things that make me happy. I've learned to look in 'new' places for friends ie: knitting, church, parks, etc. I've learned to take time everyday that is just for me. I take a bubble bath, paint my nails, get a hair cut, knit, read, cook 'fun' food (cake or cookies from scratch), etc. I learned when I'm feeling good about myself then I'm more patient with my kids and husband and everyone has a better day.

                  Sorry this got so long. The main point I was trying to make is: I need to take care of me first before I can take care of others. When I'm happy, everyone who is around me is happy. I hope this helps.
                    Melissa Middleton
                    The so-called "friends" I had, or that I had, vanished after I got married and then the rest didn't want to hang out anymore after I had my son. I still talk to a few college friends from California, and I talk to my sisters and mom there as well. I wished they all lived closer though. I would also like Mommy and Me groups here but they do not have them.
                      For me most of the friends I had that I thought were good friends stopped talking to me the minute they found out that their high school crush is my husband. I only have 3 friends out of that group that still talk to me and that's fine with me.
                      How I keep my family life happy and healthy is by visiting them as often as possible and FaceTime conversations whenever I know their not busy. The husband part of the question I let him choose what he wants us to do on his days off. also at dinner time we go around the dinner table stating one good thing that happened to us that day and one bad thing. Also, if there's a bible verse we just really gravitate towards that day we tell each other that verse and discuss how it could be beneficial for us and then we watch a movie as a family and by the end of the day we both have found yet another thing to be grateful for having each other in our lives!:)
                        I have done check-ins. I check my email everyday so I think of who I can check-in with as well. Or in most cases, something I've seen or done throughout the day reminded me of them and I'll send a quick text. Otherwise, Facebook is a good tool to use to keep in touch.
                        About Elena Voznyuk
                        Current: Anoka, Minnesota
                        Birth: November 22
                        On since: Jun 21, 2013
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