13 yr old step son makes daily life HELL....

Ok, here is my situation.

I have known my fiance since I was 14 years old. He and his ex wife split awhile ago and we have been together for 8 months now. His 13 year old son lives with us full time.

I moved from Boston to California to be with him. He was relocated here with the Army. His son is very rude, disrespectful, calls his father names and yells at him. Does NOTHING we ask. Such as pick up your dirty clothes & put them in the hamper & put your dishes in the sink. Not that hard.. right??!!

Yeah... You'd think so!

He fight's us DAILY. Argues daily. Again, I hear him making threats to his father. He don't really do much because it hurts him and he is so tired of it all. So, I tell him do NOT disrespect your father. Do not swear at him or me. You have to respect us and do what we ask. He just replies " I don't have to do anything". Yet, he don't go live with his mother! He is so use to having things a certain way.. doing whatever he wants because his mom didn't care and was out all the time and his dad works a lot.. Now he REFUSES to change. Makes our lives HELL.. daily.

Whenever we ATTEMPT to go out as a family like this weekend.. he ruins it by throwing fits over the smallest thing. Like today.. He says I'm thirsty. Holds up a small bottle of soda for $1.79. I said no way..you can buy a 2 liter bottle for that price. Get a fountain drink for 99 cents ((i pointed to the sign which has slurpee's on it as well right in front of us)) He ignores what I say and continues to whine and starts swearing in public.. Yes, did I mention he says the F word about 1,000 times a DAY!? mhm. So, fine, we just buy it because we don't want to hear it. But, Soon as we walk by the SLUSH machine aka fountain drinks on the way out of the store he starts complaining AGAIN!! Saying.. I didn't know they had slurpees.. I would've gotten one .. wah wah wah. I said oh really? I pointed at the sign that had pictures of the drink right in front of us. If you weren't being a spoiled brat you would've seen it. Then continues to call us both A-holes. Nice huh?

He verbally abuses us all the time. I am so at a loss. I have done everything for this kid for 8 months.. Cook everyday, clean, pick him up from school, drop him off with friends. I just am good to him.. I've been patient with him. I let him take his time to get use to things after I moved in but this is crazy. Nothing has changed since DAY 1!! 8 months later and we are still having the same issues with him.

I cannot believe it. I am so depressed and just worn down. We are both just worn down from him. I don't know what my fiance will do.. but, I hope he does something SOON. I love him but this is so awful to deal with on a daily basis.

It's so bad that he is so LOUD late at night not caring who's asleep with video games and music.. he kept waking my daughter up. She went back to Boston to live with my family for the Summer. :( REALLY upsets me. So, I said to her that I will work with him. But, it's not working. He still don't care about anyone but himself. He just tries to boss us around and I can't do anything but pray and hope this changes but man, it depresses me and I am so stressed out.

I told him maybe he should send him to a wilderness camp for young teens. It is for kids like him. Or Army boot camp.

Anyone else deal with an abusive, disrespectful step son?

00
    06/01/15
    Comment deleted
    06/01/15
    Thanks so much!! I will check it out :)
    0
      06/01/15
      Oh yes.. and he admits to drinking alcohol and smoking with his friends....

      Yes, Annie .. he just keeps letting it go because he is so tired and worn down. Making his son think .. Hey, I can do whatever I want! He is getting worse with verbal abuse.

      Yes! I told him he needs to start taking away his video games and computer & guitar. ect.. Until he starts to respect us and do what we ask of him he shouldn't be allowed these luxuries.
      0
        06/01/15
        My daughter is disrespectful and getting worse every time I have her. She'll start off the visit with being able to play certain computer games (under supervision), she can stay up and read at night as long as she doesn't wake the youngers up. Usually by the two week mark, she's lost all privileges and even to the point where we won't go to the park. Our rule is, if they can't behave at home, they can't go anywhere-friends, park, family outings are out. Basically, by the end of her long summer visit-which is the hardest, she has lost all privileges beyond reading a book.

        I know some of my friends who have taken the TV and play systems out of the kids' room, taken the plugs away from the electronics, so they still have them-until the battery dies.

        When I was a teenager, if my clothes weren't in the pile, they weren't washed. If they were left in common space, mom would wash them-then they'd disappear. She left instructions near the washing machine on how to wash clothes.

        With the dishes I can remember one two or three day period where one of my brothers had refused to help do dishes... As much as it drove my mom crazy, he used THE SAME plate, fork and glass for the time period until he pulled his head out of his butt and at least started putting his dishes in the sink.

        I know some of those sounds extreme. I also know it's a lot easier for me because it's my daughter and not my husband's and that's a whole other playing field. He's gotta know you and his dad are the bosses of the house. Hugs. Get a game plan together and stick to it, and make sure his dad is on board otherwise it won't work.
        1
        06/01/15
        Thanks. hugs. Yeah, I am trying. I have taken his pc screens out of his room before. I am going to do it again today! I am sick of this. The same thing. I told him it's sickening having to say the same things over & over & over every single day.. pick up your clothes.. bring your dishes to the sink x 100... it's awful.
        I thought he would get better but hasn't yet.
        0
        06/01/15
        As long as he's getting away with it, why change?
        0
        06/01/15
        Yes, even his doctor says get him a counselor. It's very hard indeed. I'm so stressed out.
        0
          06/23/15
          My step son threatened to burn our house down and hurt his half sister and when the new one was born, her too. We had been taking him to counseling but he refuses to talk there and his mom wont take him any more. He told his dad that he hates me and every thing I've done that changed his life. We have been together four years and i thought we had been getting along fine until recently. So his dad told him that this was how it was and nothing was different. Now he refuses to come over and his mom won't make him. He won't take his father's calls and ignore us if we see each other in public. In hoping something changes. For his dad's sake he is sad by it all and I'm hurt that it seems like our relationship was one sided
          0
          06/23/15
          Geez, Thats awful. Sorry.. Sounds like my situation. a bit. He says he hates me too and all the changes since I've come to live here. I pray everyday that he becomes more "okay" with everything and is more positive but.. who knows what the future holds. He is just angry and getting older.. All I can do is pray he starts to act better.
          1
          About Val Paille
          Current: Laguna Niguel, California
          Birth: July 19
          On Moms.com since: Nov 3, 2013
          Boston/Cali. Army Family. Christian, Mom to a beautiful daughter who is 18. Married to my best friend. Known him since I was 14. EDD: 7/11/16 ♡