I know a lot of women have had postpartum depression and for a while I thought I was one of those women. I kept telling myself I need to get help for my kids my babies they deserve better but then I got scared thinking " well what if the doctors think I am unfit mother because of my depression"? I love my kids immensely there is nothing I would not do for them, they can have my last ounce of blood if that's what they want. I read into postpartum and I don't think that's what it is. My emotions are nothing towards my kids its with everything in my life that has gone wrong, have been done to me , how people treated me and how I have been robbed of my childhood. I know I need help but im scared of the scrutiny of how I am a terrible mom and I don't want anyone taking my kids away.
All some people need is just somebody to talk to.. Some people are fine with a change of scenery for a few hours every day.. .Some people need more than that because there's a hormonal imbalance.
I've been battling depression for 14 years now. Some days, I'm good if i can talk to somebody (besides my husband or my munchkins), some days we have to go for a walk. I force myself to get dressed, sometimes just doing my nails is enough to get me out of it. As a last resort, I have ashwagandha root in the cupboard. It's a natural hormone balancer and is completely safe for breastfeeding.
I know how hard it is to leave the bad things in the past, but you need to. You need to leave the past in the past and worry about today. Hugs. I know it's easier said than done.