what is a daughter supposed to do?

My mom hates my boyfriend because I met him online. But only for that fact. I did lie to her about it to try to get her to attempt to like him. He has a clean record but has made a few mistakes that were expunged and shouldn't have been able to be found by her. Additionally my boyfriend had told me about those but i didn't want to talk to her about something so privet. Additionally he just turned 25 and he is trying to get back on his feet and my dad hacks his accounts stalking his life and telling me about "information" and ""the truth"" when I already know about these things.They keep throwing it back in my face every five minutes.

But I don't want to talk about till the calm down about everything. it has been causing problems ever since, she's been holding money over my head. Acting like I'm doing drugs and had even ruined my rep at my old school by barricading me in my dorm room and causing a scene when a guard let her up without me knowing that she was coming or letting me sign her in as I was supposed to. Now she is going to my friends and talking to them as if my boyfriend is abusing me and its freaking them out. Ruining most of my friendships as well as business connections. She also thinks he's a con artist because I help him out by buying him food and having him stay at my place till he gets back on his feet while he looks for a job so he doesn't have to go back to the shelter where he was in horrible conditions and the people partied all night. When I want to talk to her about anything she's always bringing up my boyfriend instead of talking about how I do not feel validated,respected or listened to in our relationship. Or she brings up how well she raised me and tries to guilt me into submission. Its like she's afraid to treat me as an equal in her relationship with me.

I want to know if she is right in what she is doing, because I understand her out rage but I think she's handling the situation incorrectly. do you agree? Or am I doing something wrong because I don't know how to handle this. I know how to handle most things. But this is something that has been irking me and when I talked to my psychologist about it she's acting like I should get the hell out of my relationship with my mom. But I want to try to fix it because I love her and I want her support again. So what do I do? What do I say to her?

    I can say from personal experience, having a boyfriend that depends on you for his food and shelter is NOT a good relationship.

    While your mom is probably not expressing herself in a nice way, that's the relationship you need to work on. You're mom won't be around forever and one day, you will want that relationship. Be honest with her, even if it means she storms out of the room. See if you can get her to a counselor or a pastor, or get one to her so you have an objective third party.
    Yeah. That's what my ex told me, too. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just telling you, I can understand your mom's point of view because of my experiences. Sometimes there is a thing as being too kind.

    I lost any relationship with my family because of a 'man' who was always on the job search. I lost a relationship with my oldest daughter because she bonded with her grandma instead of me because I had to work 2-3 jobs to keep a roof over our heads. The relationship with her father started with 'him just needing a little help because he couldn't find a job', by 2 years in, he was verbally abusive and had me convinced my family wanted nothing to do with me. By the time I got the guts to leave him, I was convinced I had no place to go.

    While it is possible to find a great guy online and have a great relationship (my husband now, we met online), you have to be careful because there are too many out there just looking for that nice person who won't give up on them.

    I have mostly fixed the relationships with my family, but not all the way, and i doubt we ever will... but your family comes first, because it completely stinks to not have them there and you will regret it down the road.
      I see thanks but its not like he didnt have a job in the middle of this time which he did he just. Had a horrible boss which I met him and worked for him for a while. Who asked him to forge legal documents about pay. He didnt want the stress of managing a business that was going under and the boss wasnt going to let him do his job. The situation currently would be like that if my mom was ur now ex. She is being very emotionally and financially abusive to me and not respecting me as a person and I want to keep both of them because that would be the healthiest. And he wants me to keep my family as well. He's even tried helping me stand up to her to even try get my opinions validated by her in a way that is generally nice.
      worse part is if I loose my family I loose my college support, my loving support, and my family. But I send her a message that she cannot do this to get what she wants and I will stand strong and find a way to make things work.
      If I loose my boyfriend I loose the only piece of sanity in my life I have left and what the closest thing to a normal family I have left. Then that sends the message I can be pushed around into submission and it will end up that she pulls more stunts like this causing me to in the future to loose my job.
        I've been reading some of the responses to your post and I can see both sides. Growing up my mom hated every man/boy I dated she's very judgemental and controlling I felt the same way you do. I now realize that it was her way of protecting me and wanting the best for me even though it's not expressed in the healthiest way try to realize that but about your boyfriend you need to keep standards and if he can't meet them you gotta kick him to the curb you are the most important person to take care of first if he's not bettering himself and ends up using you it's not love and you'll have lost not only your relationship with him but your family also. I've had relationships I thought were great but my mom was right in the end with her judgement. With that said though I've been with my current boyfriend 3 years live together for 2 and now have a 9 month old son, my mom also hated him in the beginning because he's older than me, lived with his druggie mom in the trailer park no car unemployed at 23 at the time but now he has become a great man and father and they get along great. Just make sure the battles you choose are worth it. I knew in my heart my boyfriend now was worth the fight with my mom and it's all worked out
          Your welcome good luck
          About samantha
          Birth: December 31
          On Moms.com since: Dec 25, 2015
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