Blended Family

My husbands daughter has been living in our home full time since May 2015 after not seeing her since she was 7 or 8. She's okay some days but on days like ttoday it's too much. Tysia is 11 and my daughter Isis is now 7. Tysia has cut up Isis clothes when she first moved in. She yells at Isis and is very mean to her. I know the child has been through a lot but I don't feel her behavior is justified. Not now anyway.

Her attitude is awful towards me. No matter what. She's only nice when she needs me or sees me giving Isis something she wants. When she does her creative writing at school Isis is always the negative subject. She got a A. She drew a family portrait of her mother, herself and my husband, my house, my dog, my truck and got an A+... Because it was going into their artists of fame hall at school they did a recognition plaque for her at the school so my husband and I went to the school to see the art they we're putting on display.

The teacher says to my husband she captured every detail of you guys and your family is lovely don't you think.? My husband says to him that's not my family. But that is me and her mother. He says we have a 7 year old daughter too. The teacher says, " Well I asked the class to draw a current family portrait and this is a skill I've never seen in a child so young."

I know she has to adjust but what do I do.?

    Melissa Middleton
    I am struggling with the same thing. I have a 12-yr-old step-daughter who is aggressive, self-centered, lies, makes threats, does what she pleases, and is utterly disrespectful towards everyone, flips out over simple things, and many other issues. She has been living with us since late September 2014. We are looking into getting her professional help (psychologist). The older she gets, the worse it gets. If we punish her, she retaliates. If we lighten up, she takes advantage. Some days are good and others are a nightmare and very stressful. We think Jaina has bipolar disorder and some other mental issues.

    The best thing I can suggest is getting her into a psychologist. They can properly diagnose her and get her the help she needs.

    I am so sorry you are going through this. I understand how you feel.
      I would do what Melissa said.. Take her to a psychologist... If nothing else, it will give her a neutral person to talk to-and hopefully listen to.

      If my oldest were to ever move in with us, I'd be in the same boat.. As it sits now, the meaner she gets, the more privileges she loses. When she's at 'home' with 'her family' (her paternal grandparents-'I'm not family I'm just mom) she's the only child and tells me she wants to be here... When she's here, she complains constantly about having chores and having to share. It breaks my heart (and my husband usually tries to leave it to me unless she hurts-physically or emotional-one of our kids) but she loses everything... I took away her phone privileges the week of New Years she was here (talks to them 3 times a week) that was a huge fight.. But I told her grandma that she had rules here and when she didn't follow them there were consequences, this was the last thing....

      I try not to treat her any different than if she were here full time... I've gone as far as to make a list of rules-and consequences if the rules aren't followed.
        I'm going out on a limb here. I've never been in your shoes, but here's my suggestion. Skip the counseling. You know all you need to know, and you know it for free. Why pay big bucks to have somebody tell you what you already know? It sounds like her problem is jealousy. Her family is broken, and her home is a mess. Isis has a great family and two loving parents (one of whom is hers). She wants what Isis has. Maybe you could spend time with her alone. Things won't change overnight, but she may gradually warm up to you. If you're her friend (and it sounds like she desperately needs one), maybe she won't be so hostile. Another thing to try is to give her chores. Make her responsible for something. Let her fold the towels or clear the dinner table. You could even make a rewards poster and give her a reward at the end of the week if she has at least five stars. Good luck!
        About Royal Flemming
        Current: Warren, Michigan
        Birth: May 25
        On since: Jun 25, 2014
        Royal a Gospel Singer, hard working mother, & Wife to a wonderful man.