I'm I doing the right thing.

Hey all! I'm in bit of a dilemma. My sister's son is 12 year old and he lives in Geneva. It's been around 3 years that my sister's passed away and since then, my brother in law is in total depression and is most of the time immersed in alcohol. He is not able to take care of his son at all and recently we heard that he even lost his job. I don't have any kids yet and it's just 2 years of my marriage now. I've been thinking of adopting my nephew. Is this a right decision? I spoke to my husband about this and he and his family is completely fine with it. But by adopting him, am I doing wrong to my brother in law? But my nephew, I feel is not getting a good life there and I feel he deserves much better, at least at this age. Moreover, it's not going to be easy to adopt him as he is a citizen of Geneva. But I will be trying to go on with it through the Canadian family sponsorship law. ( http://www.maxberger.ca/immigration-services/perm…) Do you all think what I'm doing is right, both to my nephew and brother-in-law? Please advice. If everything goes right and I'm able to adopt him, I will be a new mom. I hope I can be a good mom to my nephew.

    Why don't you talk to your brother in law and nephew about it? Can nephew move in with you without actually adopting him? Dad might just need some help but if you try to ask to give up his son, instead just helping him take care of his son while he gets help he needs to move through the grief.. Be careful how you word it... I'm sorry, I'm not making myself very clear.

    The idea needs to be presented to a sober dad first... If dad is on the fence, suggest asking the nephew if he even wants to leave his dad.

    You're brother-in-law is grieving, and seemingly doesn't know how to handle it without the drinking. Not a great situation for a child, no.. But dad is who he has left and might not want to leave dad alone for whatever reason.
      3Annie Shields
      Ok so I have a few questions.

      1. Who is telling you about what is going on with them? It seems like from a person who is with them all the time if you are being told the father is "most of the time immersed in alcohol." This man is still grieving for his late wife. Figure out a way to help him that will not take away the other person in his life he loves. Find a grief support group he could go to, get him into AA but do something that will help him get past this part of the grieving process.

      2. Why did you put your husband and his family are completely fine with it? Do you live with his family? That is the only scenario where having the whole families ok is evenly remotely needed.

      3. Ok so this one is not really a question. You will not be a new mom. You will still be his aunt. He is 12 years old and was 9 when his mother passed away. He remembers her. Yes you will be a mother figure but not his new mom. You need to remember that if you do end up adopting him.
        3Annie Shields
        What has happened with this? Did you talk to your brother-in-law?
        About JoannS
        Birth: December 31
        On Moms.com since: Aug 12, 2016
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