i never thought this would be so hard.
i never thought i would ever come home after having a baby empty handed. Im sitting here with my other 3 and wishing i could be with him. My baby is sitting the care of nurses. I cannot even pump milk right now to make me feel better because of an insurance snafu. I dont know when i will be able to have a pump at home. I am so torn. All four of my kids need me. My dad said that me being at home is the best thing because the three at home really need me to reassure them that their brother is ok. I just dont feel like i am going to be able to bond with Connor like i did with my other kids. This is so hard. I pray that none of you mothers have to experience hurt like this. This is truly the most painful thing i have ever done. They are talking about doing his surgery monday.