it too late?

Even though I have been breastfeeding exclusively since my son was born I was positive I would never feel that special "bonding" that other moms tell me about. From the moment I learned I was pregnant I knew that I had a new responsibility, one that I could never turn away from. I knew in that moment that no matter what I would do anything for my child. During my pregnancy I knew I was pregnant, but I was never the mom that couldn't keep her hand away from her tummy, or the mom that dreamed about how perfect her baby would be.

Instead I spent my days worrying about if I was really ready for this kind of responsibility and nights wondering if my baby was a mistake. The day he was born everyone kept telling me that I would bond instantly with my child, they were wrong. I spent the last two months trying everything possible to bond with my son.

This morning I took him to spend the day with his grandparents. Watching David (my baby) and my mom play with his new piano toys I felt out of place. Honestly, my feelings were hurt. Here I was watching them bond over a toy in less than 5 minutes wondering what I could be doing wrong. Why didn't my son love me? Am I really that terrible of a mother?

As all of these questions and feelings were pouring through me I couldn't keep my eyes off my son. He made this face at my mother, trying to tell her he was done playing, but she had no idea, how could she? She isn't with him everyday. Instantly David began whimpering, and me being the overprotective mom who spoils my child with love I couldn't help but pick him up and try calming down. He smiled at me, like he always does, but somehow this time it was different. This smile said exactly what I have been waiting for, that my son loves me and needs me. In that moment I felt pride. My son loves me and I love him. He trusts me to take care of his wants and needs. We finally bonded! (:

About Lara Abmeyer
Birth: August 30
On since: Jan 12, 2014
23, navy wife, and full time mother (: