Spanking is a sign of disciplining our child. It depends upon the kind of behavior/fault/mistake our kids do or made.
At the age of 1 yr old I began to say 'no or say don't do that ok,' like when he/she eats and puts out the food from his/her mouth to play with it and make a mess. When he/she keeps repeating it again and again then I gave a hint execute a light spanking to his/her hand that way they would have a little bit of an understanding what he/she did was bad. Same thing when you dress/undress/change their underwear oftentimes they don't want to do that or hard for them to change. Talk to them in a nice lovingly way there's no need of spanking them for little things they do that annoy us moms they're still very young. Patience and understanding go hand in hand here.
Because of that I will do my best to never punish Avery when I'm angry. If she does something that upsets me and I feel like I'm getting too angry I will send her to her room until I calm down. Then I will give her whatever punishment fits the crime. I don't think a little smack on the hand when you want them to pay attention is bad, as long as it's not done out of anger.
The only other advice I have is to find an activity that you really enjoy doing with your son. So when he's acting out for your attention you can say, "okay, lets play ______", and really enjoy that time with him. Then it won't feel quite as exhausting and it could calm your feelings of being overwhelmed. Just enjoy the moment as much as you can. He'll probably behave better knowing that he got your full attention for a bit and he'll be ready to play on his own a little.
Also, take full advantage of nap time and bed time ;)