Irritated!!!!!

Why is it when you are in a blended family (you have kids from a previous relationship and same with your spouse-none together) all the kids are treated differently? I could really use some advice, someone to vent too, something. My husband has a 13 yr old and he does not make her do chores, he does not discipline her or anything. Boy my children do though! Makes me so mad!!!!

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5Stephanie KirianTiffin, Ohio
    01/30/14
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    01/30/14
    5Stephanie Kirian
    No I do not. She is the type that "plays" to her parents' weaknesses. If her mom and stepdad discipline her she tells her dad she hates it there and wants to live with us, yet the minute her mom and them do something fun she is fine with being there! If I discipline her, she tells her dad and then it is a big fight.
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    01/30/14
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    01/30/14
    5Stephanie Kirian
    And to boot, she is all the time talking about me to her grandma (my mother-in-law) saying that she was so much happier when it was just her dad and her. I have tried so many things to get her used to the idea that I am not going anywhere and I love her like she is one of mine. I do not even separate her like that. It has been almost 7 years. I just do not know what to do sometimes
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    01/30/14
    4Katie
    It may be hard for her to accept you, to her it may feel like accepting you is some how betraying her own mother. It is important to understand how she is feeling and why, even if her feelings are not really true. I suggest getting therapy as soon as possible, while she is only 13, the older she gets the more challenging it will get. Try just you and your husband going to therapy at first, just to have a third party help talk things through. Just get your husband into the door and hopefully the therapist will help convince him why therapy for the family is so important.
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    02/05/14
    5Stephanie Kirian
    TY everyone. I am just struggling so hard. I try to talk to her and just be a friend. I do not push myself onto her or anything. I give them space when she is here visiting and everything. I love my husband and her, but there are times when I just want to hide in the bedroom until she goes home. I know that is bad and I am sorry, but I do not know what else to do.
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      01/30/14
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      01/30/14
      5Stephanie Kirian
      I do that! But she manipulates her dad and her mom
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        01/30/14
        4Katie
        When blending families I think you need to sit down together and having a serious heart to heart conversation with each other. You both need to talk out your feelings and fear. You need to agree upon how all the children are treat, what exceptions all the children have and what differences may need to happen. It also makes a difference what amount of time each of the children is there with you all. Nothing is going to get better until it can all be talked out in a non-confrontational way. I highly recommend going to a therapist to help facilitate the conversation. I wouldn't be surprised if your husband has fears that his daughter wont want to spend time with him any more and only want to be with her mother if he discipline her. Good luck! (((HUGS)))
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        5Stephanie Kirian
        Oh I agree with the therapy, but no one else will. Thank you so much for the advice and the website! I love that I can talk to other moms and share and chat.
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        About Stephanie Kirian
        Born: Tiffin, Ohio
        Current: Tiffin, Ohio
        Birth: October 01
        On Moms.com since: Jan 21, 2014
        I am 39, mother of 5, married, and feeling completely crazy 90%of the time