I am so confused lately. Am I strong or just heartless?? I have a friend going through a separation from a child (although her child is in juvy not a hospital) i can relate. But am I heartless that I can go back and forth to the hospital? That I can leave my child in the care of another person, and not cry? That i can leave my husband with my other three, and not shed a tear? I have only cried twice in the two weeks that he has been back in the hospital. Have I cried my last tear? Am I trying to be too tough?? Am I denying myself the nervous breakdown that I need? She cries every night for her child. I only have sleepless nights, and that is only when I am home without Connor. I sleep sporadically at the hospital. Why? Why can I still have fun when he is in the hospital fighting??