was i wrong for doing this?

ok so my son will throw a huge tantrum every time I change his diaper, like he literally refuses to let you change him. Well one day he pulled my hair and hit me in the face then he kicked me in the face so I spanked him for the first time. He calmed down. Well yesterday he threw a bigger tantrum and was screaming to where his face went blue and he wouldn't breathe. I literally had to hold him down with my legs to get his diaper on and off. well he kept screaming at me and fighting. So when I was finally done I made him go to the room (we share a room right now) I made him lay down and I shut the door behind me (my baby gate is at the other house) well I made him stay in the room til he calmed down or either fell asleep. He kept crying, well he eventually calmed down and I let him out. I asked if he was done and he started giving me kisses and hugs (his way of apologizing) well I got told I did the wrong thing and that im such a heartless person for closing the door! I only closed the door because I didn't have a babygate to put up to keep him in the room. what else am I to do when he throws tantrums like that? I can't just let him think its ok, so I simply put him in his room and let him throw his tantrum (bc there is no way of calming him down because he will only throw a bigger fit) and when he was done he could come out and that's exactly what he did. I mean I felt really bad because ive never had to punish him :( I feel like im crushing his little heart but I cant just let him think its ok to hit and scream and kick because hes not getting his way.

04
    02/04/14
    Well.. I think you did the RIGHT thing... especially NOT spanking him.. You HAVE to teach him that his behavior is NOT OK!

    Find a "time out" spot or corner or wherever and put him there and make it clear he IS there because he hit or freaked out or was nasty.. Kids hate having their diaper changed at a certain age.. it's terrible.. they squirm.. they all go through it... I change diapers starting at one end of a room and ended up in the kitchen... so many times.. they just do it..

    See if you can give him a toy or something to play with that he ONLY gets when you change him... Offer him a treat after if he is still.. a sugar free popsicle or a toy or something .. anything.. Show him good for his GOOD behavior...

    Punishing him the room isn't bad.. he's fine.. he gets it.. But you're not supposed to use the pale you sleep as punishment.. for some reason, though I don't buy into that totally...

    But don't spank him.. that won't teach him anything but that you will hit him.. I think you did fine.. Talk him through it... it will pass... I had two very squirmy kids and they grow out of it, but there was poop everywhere some days and i hated it..
    0
    02/05/14
    Do NOT feel bad for much longer than a few minutes.. lol.. Parenting is HARD.. the guilt is HARD... even when you know you're doing right by them it still sucks and hurts when you are punishing them ...it's not easy. but you are NOT heartless... Do NOT let someone else judge you or make you feel badly.. And your child won't remember it.. we sit with things for days and they are over it within minutes...

    I've made bad choices a LOT.. I've held the door closed when they wouldn't stay put.. should I have done it differently? Probably.. but man... when it's a bad tantrum and they are riding your last nerve.. you do the best you can with what you have..

    Let it go.. Don't look to other moms and friends to tell you it's okay... cause everyone is different and your true friends won't judge you, but will check you and then let you know that you're fine...
    0
      02/04/14
      yeah it was daylight out when I put him in his room, ive never put him in a room all dark by himself, because if im scared of the dark im sure he is too. he was only in the room for like 10 min if that. he sat there and screamed and as soon as I walked out he started to quiet down. his dad and I try to play games with im during the changing and he will just scream, his dad has tried talking to him to keeping him distracted and that worked for like 1 second, and he doesn't just do it with me, he does it to other people who change him and im scared he will make them mad and they will spank him or do something more to him so im trying to work with him. today he wasn't so bad this morning because we showed him his juice and he sat there. so I think we are going to try to give him like one of his fruit bars or something. everything else we have thought of isn't working anymore.
      0
        02/04/14
        7Kimberly Acord
        I don't think you did anything wrong. With my kids, I would ask them to hold their shirt up while I changed them, or give them a wipe ( for some reason they all loved wipes). A toy would work also. Basically you gave him a time out, which was what he needed. It isn't like you locked him in the room, and left. With Rosalea, when she gets put in time out, it is in the corner, and when she calms down, and apologizes she can come out. Then I hug her, explain why I put her there, and reassure her. Jaiden is about your sons age, and she goes in a time out also, but only for as long as her age is. I don't agree with beating a child, but I see nothing wrong with you smacking his bottom. I wouldn't do it all the time, but some situations you may need to. My kids know, mommy doesn't smack your bottom unless I have tried all other avenues. Generally they stop before I reach that point. I don't think it teaches them to hit. I grew up in the generation where parents spanked their children. I don't walk around randomly beating people. But, everyone has their own opinions, and you have to do what works for you. As long as you are the mother, and you are handling the situation in a safe, non-abusive way, it is no one's business to tell you that you did wrong.
        1
          02/04/14
          and I didn't beat him meaning I didn't spank him hard, I wont even spank him bare butt ive already went off on somebody for spanking him bare butt. and im scared if I don't get his tantrums under control then somebody else will do worse to him. and if somebody else does that to him again imam have to hurt some people. so I tried setting an example to them by putting him in the room for a few minutes because I don't want to be spanking him and I don't want others to be spanking him all the time. I mean I do smacks on the hands to teach him no but he doesn't cry when I do that but he understands the word no.
          1
            02/04/14
            yea my family believes in spanking and what not but im trying everything possible to use that as my absolute last result. because im not a person to hit, I feel mean when I hit and that's not like me. and he did come out when he was done, I went in to let him out and held him and gave him a kiss and he started his sobbing and gave me a kiss and I knew he was apologizing, im just scared if he throws a tantrum when im not around what others would do :( so im trying everything I can to break his tantrum habit when it comes to diaper changing. other than hes a good boy all day. never have issues with him except when it comes to diaper changing.
            1
              02/04/14
              7Kimberly Acord
              That's why it is my last resort. I always feel bad. I feel bad when I have to put them in time out. But you are doing what is best for him and looking out for him, and teaching him. That is awesome. Too many times people let their kids do whatever. I think you are doing a great job. Rosie and I are working on a screaming habit. I have no idea where she got it. She just shrieks if she gets mad. It isn't a tantrum...but I know it will not be appreciated at preschool, so we are time outing...lol. The good news is they outgrow it. The bad news, is when they outgrow it, they are older....You sound like a good mommy, because a bad mommy wouldn't care. hugs.
              0
                02/04/14
                yea I was in a family where my I was hit out of anger and what not (I came from an abusive family) until the one abusing took a lot of classes and has done a complete 360 over the years. and I always said I wouldn't spank my child and when I know im getting angry I will simply walk away, or his dad will notice im reaching my point and he will come take over. he used to always play with my phone or a wipe or a toy but none of it works now so we are starting on giving him a juice or some healthy snack bar. (I wont let him eat chips or candy)
                1
                  02/04/14
                  4Salina
                  Theres not really a right or wrong, but you did good! There has to be some sort of discipline in order for the child to learn right from wrong. He needs to know that your not trying to be "mean" but your teaching him. I always make sure i talk to my kids after a time out so that they know why they were there and what they did that was wrong so that they know what not to do. :)
                  0
                    02/05/14
                    You did great... Like Mara said.. you can't win today.. everyone has their ideas and skills at parenting, but truth is.. no one really knows what will work.. Putting your child in a lit room is NOT WRONG OR BAD... it's called a time out.. you needed to cool down and so did he.. Seriously... my kids LOVE when I put them in their room... you didn't lock in him a closet or to a chair..

                    Let it go... You did fine and next time maybe you won't have to.. maybe ti worked.. but KEEP following through... he acts out, do the SAME thing.. and he will get it...

                    But I do think the wiggling away is a stage.. it still sucks but It will pass, but you can STILL use it as a way to teach him to listen...

                    Hang in there.. and Do NOT listen to people who call your heartless... They are NOT on your side...
                    0
                      02/05/14
                      thanks guys (: today he surprised me and didn't fight, and after I changed his diaper he walked over to his box of snacks and looked at me. because we started giving him a snack after his diaper changing all day yesterday and first diaper this morning he didn't fight, I think he's starting to catch on, hopefully it sticks out for while. and I turned changing his clothes into a game, I would do sorta like a hokie pokie thing and say put ur right arm in, put your left arm in, and shake it all about, and I do the same thing with his legs and so far it is working and he isn't fighting when I change his clothes either.
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                      About Aundreya
                      Birth: July 24
                      On Moms.com since: Jan 9, 2014
                      I got pregnant at 18, had him month after I turned 19. Currently 21. I work full time, full time student and full time momma to Mr. Carter Layne Kennedy. He was born august 23rd,2012. Was born 2w3d early. 6lbs 7oz 21in. I had a VERY hard pregnancy.