Thoughts on Transgender Grade school kids? Would you tell your child about their friend?

Long story short, without telling too much..

We have friends.. her daughter was born as a boy... has boy stuff, etc... she's 8 now and since she was a baby, she know something was off... Her baby always loved girl stuff, toys, clothes, playmates, etc... Once she was 2 she wanted to ONLY dress in girly clothes and play with dolls... Her child would throw fits if put in boy clothes, etc... So, when she was about 3, her mom let her live as she wanted to and dress how she wanted to.. and now she's 8 and lives as a girl... but was born a boy...

If someone told me this story, I may have different thoughts on it all, but we have become good friends and have had many playdates and through my observations, it's clear to me that this child IS a girl... no doubt in my mind that she was born into the wrong body...

My fiends other friends feel like their kids should be told the secret.. to be told that their friend thy've known for years an played with and had sleepovers with is really a boy... But I disagree... First, an 8 year old child will not get it.. will not understand and be confused by that information.. and secondly... it disrespects and disregards that my friends child IS a girl... in her blood and heart and soul.. she IS A GIRL.. but because she has boy parts, ...

I don't think MY kids ever need to know unless her daughter TELLS them... as far as I' concerned this child IS a girl.. you wouldn't know.. you wouldn't have ANY idea...

I know that this topic can raise a lot of people up and I'm sure everyone has strong opinions... and I would too... But if you were around this child... you would see it...

Thoughts everyone? No need to hold back... lets dig in... you can't offend me, I'm more interested in everyones true perspective..

01
    02/05/14
    Ah.. thanks for explaining it the way you did.. I think I would fall on the side you are on.. off the top of my head and heart.. there just isn't a reason to "out" her so to say, especially at such a young age.. when confusion, weird questions and just unneeded fuss doesn't need to come about.. sounds like she really DOES identify as a girl.. I don't think her parents would let her do that otherwise.. or if it was just a phase.. I just don't see what the benefit would be in telling your kiddos she has "boy parts" or used to be a boy.. nothing would help it by doing that.. !
    0
    02/05/14
    I agree... to me, she IS a girl.. and to HER it would be a lie.. she's NOT a boy.. I swear to you. .. this child is NOT gay or boyish with gay qualities.. she is a girl.. just like my daughter... it's crazy.. I've never been so close to this and I feel so grateful to have this world opened up to me and to also know the struggles behind it.. I mean what a great mom my friend is.. the truly most selfless choice ever was to let her SON live as a girl..
    I can't imagine..
    Thanks MEG.. now go have your baby!!!!
    2
      02/05/14
      Margaret hernandez
      thing like this come up in are house. my son one day ask me what a hermaphrodite is . I told him what is was. One person with two part, a girl part and a boy part.. He ask me. mom how do you know what they are. I told him they are people just like you and me. they are no different then you are I. in many ways. they get heart the same as you do and if they get a cut they bleed to.My son said will can i make fun of them..I told him No.that would not be ok at all.You can be friends with them that will be find...
      I dont think kids care all that much what sex the other person is. at a young age. all they see is a kid they are playing with.I think adult do care more and would make a bigger deal about the boy being a girl...I think if they ware really great friends they would tell each other when they got older that she is a boy.
      I now a lot of man that love to dress up as a women.so in the long run it does not bather me at all...long as you do what you think is right for your kid/kids in your own eyes.that what madders.
      1
        02/05/14
        Comment deleted
        02/07/14
        I know what you mean. I had and still have thousands of questions for my friend and it fascinates me.. I too was a full on tomboy, but was a girl through and through..

        The way she describes it wasn't just her son wanting to play with girl things .. it was different than that.. they of course went to therapy and did everything they could through research and the transgender community, but I gotta say... when you meet her.. you wouldn't know.. it IS young for her to know it, but I think that you just know..

        And there are no sleepovers.. I'm not ready for my kids to sleep over anywhere yet..
        1
          02/06/14
          7Malena Hall
          Right now I think it is ok to wait and tell her about her friend. However, I think now is the time to prepare her. Te fact is it may come out in the open sooner than you think. For example when She uses the bathroom at school where do they allow Her to go? When puberty starts approaching She will be having boy changes. You'll have to explain some things then.

          I would open the topic slowly. Just to the point that sometimes a person feels they were born with the wrong body/ So even though on the outside they are a boy/girl inside they know they are really a girl/boy.

          One way to perhaps appraoch this is watching a few episodes of ABC family's "The Foster's" on demand. Watch first by yourself and see if you think it is helpful. Briefly, one of the main characters is in an all girl group home. There is a BOY born girl "Cole" in the home and you see some of His struggles with being transgender.

          The latest episode talked about Him taking hormones to stop the girl stufff from happening. I would not watch that yet with her, A previous episode though dealt with the girl's being on an outting and Cole wanting to use the 'men's' restroom. Both had long lines and a guy in line for the mens room got mad because "Cole" did not belong there. That or one's before where it is just touched a little on you may find ok.
          1
          02/07/14
          I agree.. I'm not sure that my daughter at almost 7 would even understand or grasp the concept and in all honesty, it's not important right now.. They play, they laugh, they have fun and the end..
          It's not my story to tell. We are just friends and bystanders and I feel grateful for witnessing this journey as it's fascinating and I want my kids to have tolerance and understanding and love for everyone.
          But for now at this age, it's non issue you know? My daughter made a new friend, they play well together and are kind to one another, that's all they need to know.. for now... I'll take it as it comes... Thank you :)
          1
          About Jessica
          Born: Novato, California
          Current: Sherman Oaks, California
          Birth: May 28
          On Moms.com since: Aug 5, 2013
          We live in Los Angeles, CA. I'm a writer, comedian, actor and single mom of two. Parenting is hard. I try to keep a sense of humor about it all and find the find the funny... in what is most likely NOT funny (i.e. boogers, meltdowns, homework, etc.).